As long as I can remember, my family lived by the Seinfeld rule that another appetite is always coming. I’m sure there were other rules, but my parents taught my sister and me to judge our hunger for ourselves. From an early age, M&Ms were available to us. We ate only one or two at a time. We learned moderation, and no food was a “bad” food. Foods had different roles. My mom even encouraged us to eat dessert first. How else could you make sure you had room?
I make a habit of eating dessert first often these days. When I get home from work, I want a snack like I’m back in elementary school. I can’t wait to make dinner before eating something. This leads to dessert, of course. Then I’m both happy and satisfied, fully capable of finally making the nutritious dinner my body needs.
Eating dessert first, of course, is a metaphor too. Sometimes you have to rip the band-aid off and do the hard things. Other times, you can make your responsibilities wait a few minutes. We have to wait for many things as grown-ups: the bus, a raise, the next cool job, the weekend. Why not eat dessert first? Stop anticipating the fun thing, stop waiting to do the thing that will bring you joy, and do it. Right now. (This does not count as a letter to your boss explaining why you didn’t meet your deadlines. Sorry. I don’t have that kind of pull.)
I think about this a lot this time of year too. Today is my friend’s birthday, but she’s no longer here to help us celebrate. I am often more emotional on her birthday than on her death anniversary because she should be here. She should be 25. This should be a happy day of eating all the lime slices before we even get to the tequila shots. We should be drinking too much coffee and eating too many Takis and getting canker sores. We should have our feet in the kiddie pool in the backyard. It should be full of laughter and fun, not a day I’m wringing my hands over. And yet, I still want to balance celebration with sadness.
Eating dessert first is a way to say we don’t know what’s coming next, big or small, dramatic or mundane. I don’t have to earn dessert. If I want dessert, I can have it. I am allowed to take a mental health day because it’s sunny out. (To my boss: I haven’t done that recently, I swear.) I am allowed to put off chores because I would rather read a book. I am allowed to treat myself to tacos just because. You are allowed to go to the movie theatre on a Wednesday night. You’re allowed to meet your friends for drinks when you have a little bit of work left to finish. You are allowed to enjoy your brownie before your salad.
We should all make it a point to enjoy our lives. That’s what they’re here for. We don’t know if there are aliens out there or if we’re going to get our dream job tomorrow. All we know is the here and now, so enjoy what is in front of you. Eat your dessert first.
P.S. Since it is Alyssa’s Day of Kindness and if you have a little extra change to spare, those of us both celebrating and mourning today would appreciate if you bought somebody an ice cream or coffee, two of her favorite things. Spread a little joy to someone else and get a little joy in return! And if you do, I’d love to hear about it!
Weekly R.E.P.O.R.T.
Reading: Everything is Tuberculosis by John Green
Let’s start with the basic fact that the history of diseases is pretty fascinating and a telling history of humankind. Then, there’s John Green’s writing style and hearing his voice read his book to me. It’s a pretty great combination.
Eating: Raspberry Chocolate Chip Cookies
They’ve been a hit across audiences.
Playing: “Azizam” by Ed Sheeran
I’m not even sure if I like the song, but it keeps playing and thus gets stuck in my head.
Obsessing: Tulips!
Recommending: Tell people what’s going on in your life. Call your friends. Talk to your coworkers in your downtime. This is the human condition.
Treating: Lunch tacos!
Were they necessary? No. Could I have brought food from home? Sure could have. But was it worth it? Most definitely.
That’s all she wrote…
Thanks for reading (or skipping) to the end! This newsletter will be coming to your inbox weekly, but you can read previous editions on Substack. In the meantime, feel free to leave any comments, questions, or your own recommendations and life updates. Write you again soon!
Addi- I love your writing voice. Thanks for permission to enjoy dessert first.
I love Alyssa's Day of Kindness. I found some of her work while I was organizing on Sunday and was glad to spend some time with it. <333 And the little turtle cactus is too cute!